nostrum

\NAHS-trum\, noun:
A medicine whose effectiveness is unproved and whose ingredients are kept secret for the purpose of restricting the profits of sale to the inventor or proprietor; a quack medicine.

--Toe-glo is not a nostrum!

ergo

\UR-go; AIR-go\, adverb:

Therefore; consequently; -- often used in a jocular way.

-- FACT: The most popular dessert at McDonald's is the Oreo McFlurry. FACT: The majority of obese people in America got that way from eating fast food. FACT: More than 50 percent of the American population is obese. FACT: More than 50 percent of the American population voted for George Bush in the last election. Ergo, if you like Oreo McFlurries, you support the war in Iraq.

cynosure

\SIN-uh-shoor
noun:
1. Anything to which attention is strongly turned; a center of attraction.
2. That which serves to guide or direct.

Above: Professor Pupsalot, Puppy Congress's unquestionable cynosure, pictured here as he plots to overthrow the Puppy Government.

chthonic

\THONE-ik\, adjective:

Dwelling in or under the earth; also, pertaining to the underworld

--Is it me, or do the raging fires of hell seem even more chthonic than usual tonight?

--"Of course it was Satan! Who else would order a gin and chthonic?"

chthonic

octothorpe

[AHK-toh-THORP] noun.

The symbol, "#."

Not much is known about Jackie Gleason's private life, except that the ladies referred to him as "The Human Octothorpe."

behoove

[bi-hoov] –verb (used with object)

1. to be necessary or proper for, as for moral or ethical considerations; be incumbent on: It behooves the court to weigh evidence impartially.

--Ladies and gentleman of Toyland! It behooves us to find out just who embezzled five thousand Tiddlywinks from the First Lego Bank of America!

2. to be worthwhile to, as for personal profit or advantage

--It behooves you to look at this webpage everyday. Because , you might be at the tail-end of a job interview at Penguin Putnam, and you're sure you nailed it, and your boss who is inevitably wearing a ten-gallon hat will say, "And by the way, what does 'farl' mean?"

After a pause that feels like an hour you'll say "fertilizer."

He'll say, "No, that's 'marl', you idiot. Now it behooves you to get the Schenectady out of my office before I turn your ass into Shepherd's Pie!"

"What does 'behoove' mean?"

"JUST GET OUT!"

farl

[fahrl], noun (Scot.)
a thin, circular cake of flour or oatmeal.

--It's rumored that when St. Patrick died, they were out of angel wings that day, so his immortal soul had to climb a tower of farl to get up to heaven. But that's bullshit, there is no Heaven.

--Mmm, farl!

palaver

\puh-LAV-uhr; puh-LAH-vur\, noun:
Idle talk

intransitive verb:
To talk idly.

Lover A: Would you like to palaver, Lover?
Lover B: Lover, you know I love palavering with you and no other.
Lover A: Of what would you like to palaver?
Lover B: I want to palaver of Grover, Drake Sather, and perhaps lather.
Lover A: Lover, let us not palaver of Grover, Drake Sather, and perhaps lather as we do on days all others. I'd rather palaver about a whithered Dan Rather bothering a slathered Gilda Radner like she was the former stepmother of famed American racecar driver Douglas "Jimmy" Caruthers.
Lover B: Deal.

gerrymander [Election special!]

[jer-i-man-der, ger-]
–noun

U.S. Politics. the dividing of a state, county, etc., into election districts so as to give one political party a majority in many districts while concentrating the voting strength of the other party into as few districts as possible. –verb (used with object)

--Mike's spreading of his syrup while his butter remained stationary equalled nothing short of a pancake gerrymander.

--"You misheard, friend! There's no gerrymanders in this county! Only merry banter!"

nubbin

[nuhb-in]
–noun
1. a small lump or stunted piece; stub.
2. a small or imperfect ear of corn.

--Alexander's nubbin had become a veritable whopper, transportable only by aircraft carrier. It was then that he regretted using all 3 wishes towards a larger penis.

--"Nubbin" is to "corn" as "Denny Dillon" is to "comedy."

ombudsman

[ahm-buhdz-muhn, -men]

1. a government official who hears and investigates complaints by private citizens against other officials or government agencies.
2. a person who investigates and attempts to resolve complaints and problems, as between employees and an employer or between students and a university.

--That ombudsman sure likes pudding!

brummagem

bruhm-uh-juhm

–adjective
1. showy but inferior and worthless.

–noun
2. a showy but inferior and worthless thing.

-- Have you seen my new brummagem car? It's in my nouveau riche garage next to my affected Chevy!

--Lil Bowow's crib was filled with much bric-a-brac, but deep in his lil heart-heart he knew them to be nothing more than a bunch of brummagems.