sapient

\SAY-pee-uhnt\, adjective:
Wise; sage; discerning.

"Hey, you're pretty sapient for a piece of pudding skin."

"'Me go peepee in your coke'? Why, that's not sapient at all! I demand another fortune cookie! Waitress? Waitress?! Is there a waitress around here? Oh wait, I forgot: I'm not in a Chinese Restaurant, I'm in prison for tax evasion. How many years till I get out? Sixty five?!! Awww, mittens!"